Author: Patrick Dorinson

Postpartisanship: Rest In Peace

Obituary

Postpartisanship (Born, November 4, 2008 — Died, February 9, 2009)

Postpartisanship, which was born only a few short months ago and was destined to usher in a new era of American politics and government died yesterday in a traumatic accident in the White House East Room where President Barack Obama was holding his first news conference as President.

President Obama, while denying any responsibility for the incident, nonetheless could be seen and heard at the scene attacking Republicans and downplaying the need for their input in his stimulus package as he blamed all the country’s problems on the eight years of the Bush Administration.

When postpartisanship, who was seated in the minds of the assembled reporters and pundits, heard those comments early in the press conference, it had a violent seizure and collapsed in those same reporter’s and pundits minds. Efforts to revive it were unsuccessful.

Inherit the Wind

In recent days, some members of the Assembly Republican caucus have faced withering criticism because they said they would consider tax increases if coupled with a hard spending cap and permanent spending cuts, along with concessions relaxing some labor and environmental laws to act as a stimulus for the beleaguered economy. Mind you, they said they would consider increases and have not actually voted on any.

Radio talk show hosts are calling for the Republicans’ heads on spikes and feeding their listeners red meat flavored with the names of these members. They are threatened with bullying tactics and cries of ending their careers.

Others have proposed resolutions to change the party’s by-laws to censure and even campaign against Republicans who vote for any tax increase. These resolutions would be brought before the delegates to the California Republican Party at the convention at the end of the month in Sacramento.

Obamulation

Granite Workers to Get Part of Stimulus Plan – Speaker Pelosi has announced that, under the stimulus plan now before Congress, a special commission will be formed to find a suitable mountain near Mt. Rushmore to carve the likeness of Barack Obama. This will be a big boon for the granite workers of America who have been struggling as the need for granite countertops in suburban kitchens has declined dramatically with the foreclosure and credit crisis. “President Obama is such a transformational figure that we believe he should have his own mountain sculpture near Mt. Rushmore”, said the Speaker.

Obama Inks Book deal for White House Memoirs – After a brutal bidding war between America’s top publishers, Simon and Schuster has purchased the rights to President Obama’s memoirs for a cool $1 billion. Simon and Schuster CEO Carolyn Reidy said in a statement that, “We believe that in eight years this book will beat the #1 bestseller of all time, the Bible.” She went on to say that, while the company does not have the $1 billion to pay President Obama, they hope to have raised it by 2016 through “a series of bake sales and car washes to be held around the country.”

State of the State 2009

Today is the day that Governor Schwarzenegger was scheduled to deliver his annual State of the State Address to a joint session of the Legislature, and by extension the people of California. Since he has postponed his speech until January 15th, allow me to fill the void for all you who have been waiting to hear what he has to say,

I don’t know about you, but when he does speak to the people, I do not want to hear any high falutin’ rhetoric about California being the seventh largest economy in the world or what wonderful global warming laws (I’m sorry, climate change laws) we have passed that nobody yet knows the cost of.

No, what I want to hear is some honest, brutal talk about how bad things really are without false hope, phony budget numbers or unattainable political promises. No talk of anything other than the fiscal mess we are in and how we can get out of it, and how we are going to pay for the many problems we have neglected for so long.

So for all you political junkies who can’t wait until January 15th, here is my suggestion to Governor Schwarzenegger for his upcoming State of the State speech.

From Christmas 1944 to Today

Christmas 1944 was a pivotal time for the Allied efforts to defeat Nazi Germany. In the 6 months since the D-Day landings they had driven the Wehrmacht out of France and were poised to cross the Rhine into Germany proper. The soldiers of the Allied armies were exhausted and their supply lines were stretched to the breaking point.

While they rested, regrouped and resupplied the Germans had other plans. Hitler and his generals threw everything they had into a final offensive. The plan was to drive a wedge of men and materiel into the American lines thereby splitting the Allied armies in two and then sprinting to the Belgian coast to cut off their supplies. The attack was launched 16 December 1944.

It was a bold move born out of desperation and in the beginning they routed the Americans overrunning their positions and capturing, killing or wounding thousands. The situation was bleak as the Allied High Command scrambled to thwart the German offensive.

Profiles in Cowardice

Congratulations to new Democratic Assembly members Alyson Huber of El Dorado Hills, Marty Block of San Diego, Joan Buchanan of Alamo and Manuel Perez of Coachella. In the first important vote of your careers, you demonstrated that all the fancy words from your campaigns about “changing the system” and “not a career politician” as well as “ready to go to work” and “performance not politics” were as empty as California’s bank accounts.

The four of you, joined by wily political veteran Charles Calderon of Whittier, abstained from voting on the tax hikes proposed by your own party. You didn’t vote yes or no, you abstained. Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary says that to abstain means, “to refrain deliberately and often with an effort of self-denial from an action or practice”.

Is it because you all got elected from swing districts and you fear the wrath of the voters in two years? Is this about maintaining “political viability” for higher office and are worried about future campaign attack ads that would include you vote for higher taxes? Did Speaker Bass give you “get out of jail free” cards on the vote because she knew it would not pass without three Republicans, and therefore you would not have a “tax increase” vote on your record? Or is it that you don’t have the guts to stand up and vote “yes or no” because you believe it is the right thing to do, political consequences be damned?

Government’s New Cash Cow Could be a Cow Tax

Proposition 2 passed by a huge majority. The poultry industry now awaits its fate which could include the shuttering of many farms that have been producing eggs in California for over 100 years. But never mind as long as the chickens are “free to be you and me” as the song from the 1970s used to say.

At the time I warned that the animal activists’ mission was more far reaching than making chickens more comfortable while laying eggs. They don’t want you to eat eggs or meat period. They want us all to eat tofu in its many wonderful forms like tofu hot dogs and burgers and my personal favorite just in time for the holidays, tofurky. Just look at this yummy recipe from the Humane Society’s website and have your family and friends dive into this for Christmas dinner.

Life Imitating Art

Does anybody remember the 1993 movie "Dave"? It was a nice little movie starring Kevin Kline about a philandering President who has a stroke and goes into a coma while he is "in flagrante delicato" with a mistress. (Gee, I wonder who the model was for that character.)

Dave runs a small Washington D.C. employment agency where he helps those who need a job, sometimes even giving them money from his own pocket to help them get by. He bears a striking resemblance to the comatose President, and he is enlisted to "fill-in" for the President at the behest of a deviously evil White House Chief of Staff and Press Secretary.

Dave begins to take the job seriously, and when he tries to fund a homeless program that the Chief of Staff wants cut, he decides to call his nerdy accountant Murray, played by Charles Grodin, to come to the White House and help him look for savings in the Federal Budget so he can restore the funding.

The following is an exchange is between Dave and Murray. After the script excerpt I will tell you what this all has to do with the current mess in Washington and closer to home in Sacramento.

First Thoughts after the Election

Congratulations President–elect Obama. Good luck. You will need it. Now, time to get to work America.

First thoughts after the election.

Now Republicans know what General Custer felt like at the Little Bighorn. Out-numbered, surrounded and ultimately slaughtered.

Public financing of campaigns is now dead thanks to the Obama Campaign. No Republican will ever agree to it again, and if you hear the Democrats say they want to “tweak” the system, Republicans should say thanks but no thanks. In fact, let’s get rid of all limits. They are an affront to free speech. The influence of big money will never be removed from politics, so why are we kidding ourselves and enriching election lawyers to figure out ways around the laws. Any reform has within it the seeds of its own corruption.

A Few Canaries in the Coal Mine To Think About

The term “canaries in the coal mine” has been around for a long time. Unfortunately we are a nation of urbanites, suburbanites, and ex-urbanites who have no idea what it means. For that matter most Americans have no idea where their food comes from either, but that is a story for another day.

Here is the best definition I have found, courtesy of wisegeek.com.

“Life for an actual canary in a coal mine could be described in three words – short but meaningful. Early coalmines did not feature ventilation systems, so miners would routinely bring a caged canary into new coal seams. Canaries are especially sensitive to methane and carbon monoxide, which made them ideal for detecting any dangerous gas build-ups. As long as the canary in a coal mine kept singing, the miners knew their air supply was safe. A dead canary in a coalmine signaled an immediate evacuation.”

In modern terms, the canaries were an early warning system to keep the miners out of danger.