It was a brutal night for those who believe in marriage equality. Bans on same-sex marriage were enacted by voters in Florida, Arizona and California. In Arkansas, a measure to ban adoptions by persons cohabitating outside marriage was approved. (Pro-life groups backed this anti-adoption measure, by the way). What to do?
The long-term prospects for gay couples who want to marry remain good, despite these setbacks. But same-sex marriage supporters need to figure out how to speak to those who are wary of changing the legal definition of marriage — but are sympathetic to the needs of gay folks. I think there needs to be particular attention to developing a way of talking to people of faith whose churches are adamantly opposed to same-sex unions.
The separation of church and state arguments, even the anti-discrimination arguments, are valid and have their strengths, but I’d like to see something that has a certain religiosity. Gay couples who are themselves devout need to be at the front of this effort. Such couples could explain that for them, marriage is not merely about equality or about love or about getting certain legal protections. it’s part of living a Godly, moral life. By getting married, they don’t wish to change the sacred tradition of marriage, they want to honor that tradition.
Why this approach? Because the costs of these ban on same-sex marriage are to the religious freedom of gay couples. There are some churches (including my family’s own, the United Church of Christ) that have pastors who want to marry gay couples as part of their pastoral duties. But by banning such marriages, the government is limiting the religious freedom of these couples and pastors.
Build campaigns around those folks — who have lost their religious freedom — and the same-sex marriage cause will find itself on offense, playing on the side of the field of those who oppose the practice. The message to conservative voters is: do you really think it’s a good idea to have the government reach into churches and tell them what they can and cannot do?