I just arrived at the office, and I’m dying to drink a Tropicana juice.

That’s because I drove past one of those big supergraphics on a building that everyone seems so upset about. It’s a big advertisement for Tropicana, and I succumbed. It’s in my head and I can’t get it out. I must drink one.

I’m sure I’m not alone. People all over Los Angeles are probably rushing out this very minute to drink one. At least, that’s one of the arguments against supergraphics; since they’re immense and convey such an overwhelming message, we weak humans just can’t resist. That’s probably true. I mean, have you ever been able to ignore a single commercial message? Just one? I didn’t think so. Those supergraphics must come down.

Now, I guess you could argue that Los Angeles has gang problems and school problems, and the recession is hurting everyone, so maybe we shouldn’t worry about supergraphics. But I for one am real happy that some of our elected officials are spending a good deal of time and energy on this menace.

For one thing, just think of how ugly those supergraphics are. They have all those colors and designs on them. They hide some really nice, neo-Stalinist building facades around here. Some buildings have subtle and interesting shades of grime. But a lot of that is all covered up now, thanks to those supergraphics with their bright colors. It’s a true shame.

And the messages. I saw one on Highland Avenue with a single huge word on it. It was “Joy.” We shouldn’t allow messages like that just anywhere, and I’m grateful that some of our local officials want to make sure that joy and that kind of thinking don’t spread. Some other supergraphics have the likeness of the Statue of Liberty. Can we allow that? I mean, kids might see that.

Oh, and another problem. Building owners actually make money by allowing supergraphics on their buildings. C’mon, building owners should know by now that they’re not supposed to make money in Los Angeles. I don’t care if they do use the extra money to help hold down rents, it’s not right for a building owner to earn money.

As if we needed another reason to hate supergraphics, there’s the fire hazard. That’s why Jack Weiss staged a press conference in front of a Tropicana supergraphic a couple of weeks ago. Now, some know-it-all lawyer came forward and pointed out that the material used in the supergraphic was made of a fire-retardant material approved by regulators, but that doesn’t hurt the message at all. Well, OK, maybe it does. But Weiss was sure right to point out the hazard. Just think of all the fires caused by supergraphics. Those things practically light themselves. Thank goodness that supergraphic got taken down.

I, for one, want all supergraphics to come down. We don’t want to this town to appear lively or colorful.

And while we’re at it, let’s take down L.A.’s original supergraphic. You know, the one that spells out “Hollywood.” It covers part of a perfectly fine hill. Besides, that sign was just another crass commercial message that advertised a development.

Say, does anybody know if the Hollywood sign was made of approved fireproof material? As soon as I drink a Tropicana, I’ll ask Jack Weiss to check it out.