News item, from the Sacramento Bee
The California Center for Civic Participation’s much-anticipated fundraising dinner, known for delivering raunchy lines and lots of laughs, couldn’t nail down a politician willing to take the heat. The center announced in a letter sent to supporters this week that it has postponed until 2013 what was to be the 30th annual roast.
“Thanks you. Thank you very much. And special thanks to our wonderful emcee, Prop 98. I don’t care how many times they suspend you, you still got it, man. And you’re funnier than a Test 2 year.”
“Bada-bing.
“Yeah, What! What! What! Yeaaaahhhh! It’s me — “State Funding to Local Governments version 4”. And I’m honored to be your roaster tonight!
“You may have heard that this event was going to be called off. None of the politicians were willing to come to the roast. They all got scheduling problems. Please – do they have qualify in 150 days or disappear into the dustbin of history? Yeah, they’re soooooo busy.
“So the civic participation center had cancelled the roast, but then a couple of us initiatives got together and offered to handle it. They took us up on it, even though this is our busy season. Because we care about civic engagement. And humor. I mean, have you read any of us? Some of us are surprisingly funny, and that’s not even including our joke initiatives, like the Mandatory Christmas Sing. Where is she by the way? Hey there! Happy Easter!
“So we initiatives are in charge tonight, and we appreciate you coming out. Great showing tonight from all the state’s political consultants. A lot of these guys didn’t show up when it was the politicians doing the roasting. But you know what they say – the consultants love us more than they love their spouses. Because we initiatives don’t have spouses!
“Which is fine. We spend so much time on the streets, no one could stay married to us. I’ve even been called a prostitute a few times. That’s not true, but I did once spend the night with the governor of New York!
“He was cheating… on his constitution. Because that’s not an initiative state!
“Thank you. Hold your applause. You’re too kind.
“How is everyone doing tonight? I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling great. I’m titled, baby. And I’m summaried. And let me tell you something: I enjoyed all 40 days of it. The LAO kissed every inch of my fiscals if you know what I mean. The Ag and the department of finance couldn’t get enough of me.
“I mean, I feel sorry for that kid—the Jerry Brown and CFT compromise. I mean the AG only spent a night with that initiative before slapping title and summary on it. Hey, Brown-CFT Baby, tell Kamala to at least buy you dinner next time.
“Who’s here? In the back, that lumpen mass is the California Forward reform initiative, with every budget idea under the sun in there. Yo, Cal Fo, I ain’t saying you complicated, but I am telling you that Shirley MacLaine called, and she thinks you got issues.
“And Munger version 2? Where you? Oh, I see you now, back against the wall. Are those security guards for the governor’s people, or to keep the governor’s people away from you? Watch yourself, girl! And you might let one of the folks from the PTA taste your soup first, before you do, if you know what I’m saying.
“Finally, I want to say a big shout out to the Godfather, Prop 13. None of us would be here without you. He couldn’t be here tonight. But you know he has his routines, he mostly likes to hang around the house, doesn’t get out much. Some folks you can never change. Am I right?”