I don’t know about you but I can’t wait until January 20, 2009 and Barack Obama is sworn in as the 44th President of the United States. That is the day when all will be right with the world again as we shed the dark and evil Bush Administration for the enlightened and visionary Obama Administration. Imagine the breathless pronouncements we will hear from the media as all things are made right in the First 100 Days of the return to Camelot.
Iran Drops Nuclear Program – Iranian President Ahmadinejad today announced that Iran will halt its nuclear program and dismantle all its facilities. The announcement was made after President Obama called the Iranian leader and requested that it be done. Ahmadinejad also said he wants to go to Israel so he can participate in Israeli Independence Day festivities in May. “I love the Jews. It was Bush who made me say all those crazy things. I am getting counseling now and it has really helped.” Secretary of State Joseph Biden hailed the news as the “beginning of a beautiful friendship between the Mullahs of Iran and the U.S”. The Mullahs have also agreed to take anger management courses to better cope with their “inner demons” and their “feelings” about Israel. In a related development, Hezbollah and Hamas laid down their weapons and recognized Israel, saying in a prepared statement that the last 60 years of terrorism against the Jewish state was all a “misunderstanding”.
Bin Laden Surrenders to U.S. Forces in Afghanistan – Public enemy Number One quietly walked into a U.S. Army Ranger base near Kandahar and gave himself up today. “As soon as Obama got elected I decided that since Bush was gone I will get a fair trial in America”, said Bin Laden. He went on to say that being able to be tried in a U.S. Court with all the Constitutional safeguards will allow him to “tell my side of the story” on why he attacked America on 9-11 killing over 3,000 Americans.
Gasoline Drops to $1.00 a Gallon – The national average on the price for a gallon of regular has fallen to $1 with further price drops expected. At a press conference announcing this startling development new Energy Secretary Scarlett Johansson said, “This is so cool. It is like wow!” Her staff then elaborated on her statement saying that now that the energy pirates and evil oil executives have been arrested and are under indictment we can finally develop the alternative sources they have been stopping all these years.
Free Healthcare for All Bill Sent to the President – With lightning speed, both houses of Congress have sent President Obama sweeping healthcare legislation that will insure all and not cost a penny. “Once you make the wealthy pay their fair share of taxes all things are possible”, said Paul Krugman, a liberal economist and formerly a New York Times columnist, “And we are not done yet squeezing them for everything they accumulated during the Bush years.” Democrats who accumulated their wealth during the dot.com bust of the Clinton years will be able to keep their money. The wealthy will not be eligible for this new health plan since their greed is the reason why it was not passed before.
U.S. Military to be Dismantled – Under a new plan offered by Secretary of Defense Dennis Kucinich, the Department of Defense will be dismantled and all military officers and enlisted personnel will be sent to re-education schools at undisclosed locations. “Because all of our enemies have surrendered to the power of President Obama’s “Yes We Can” message and dropped their weapons, we felt it was only right that we do the same. It is the least we can do to apologize for the years of destruction and misery we have brought to the world.” There was no mention from the Secretary about what will be done with the thousands of white marble tombstones, crosses and Stars of David that litter Arlington, Pearl Harbor, Normandy, The Philippines and other military graveyards at home and abroad.
Social Security Administration Finds “Hidden” Surplus – The head of the Social Security Administration, Sharon Stone said today that the Bush Administration hid billions of dollars in a secret vault under the Treasury Building. “In its efforts to force privatization of Social Security, the Bush Administration secretly kept money away from retirees and placed it in this vault. With the newfound money Social Security will be solvent forever”. Stone went on to say that benefits will rise to $25,000 a month for seniors and a free car. She further stated that the wealthy will not get any social security because they don’t deserve or need it. When reporters reminded her that she was also very wealthy, she said “Oops! I forgot that Hollywood stars are exempt”.
Republican Party Disbands – Giving in to the new political realities in the United States, the Republican Party, the party of Lincoln and Reagan, has decided to disband. “We can read the handwriting on the wall. We can’t compete with the likes of Obama. The Democrats have all the power and we will never get it back. The only thing left to do is sell the furniture and turn out the lights”, said Party Chairman Duncan.
Congress Repeals 22nd Amendment – Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi announced that they have repealed the 22nd Amendment, which limits a President to two terms, by the necessary two-thirds vote. It will now be sent to the states where three fourths must ratify before it becomes law. Reid and Pelosi predicted easy passage. Rep. Henry Waxman (D-CA) then offered legislation to make Barack Obama President-for-Life. “After 220 years of the Presidency we have finally found someone to lead us forever into the new order.” When asked about the contributions of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, FDR, Harry Truman and Ronald Reagan, Waxman declined to comment and walked away from the podium.
Now before all you Obamatons get all hot under the collar, take a moment to think about what I am saying.
The media is portraying Obama as the second coming complete with a messianic message about fixing America, including our damaged souls. The Obama campaign is doing very little in my mind to dissuade them.
But they need to be mindful as to how high they are setting the bar for the junior Senator from Illinois. No one can achieve what they have promised and still deal with the volatile events and personalities that populate our reality. By setting the bar so high, if and when fails to deliver, the fall will be that much greater and the effect on the country will be that much more severe.
They aren’t asking this old cowboy but if I might offer them a little bit of unsolicited advice. Go read the story of Daedalus and Icarus.
For those of you who don’t remember your Greek mythology, let me fill you in.
Daedalus was a great builder who worked for King Minos of Crete. But after a while he got crossways with the old King and was forced to flee with his only son Icarus. Now King Minos controlled the island and the sea around Crete so their escape route was cut off. But Daedalus, being the smart man he was, took some feathers and crafted a pair of wings for each of them held together by wax and away they went flying to Greece and freedom.
Now Daedalus warned his son not to fly too close to the sun because it might melt the wax or too low near the sea because the water would dampen the feathers and make them heavy. But Icarus, like many young people without much experience who think they know better than their elders, paid his father no never mind and flew too close to the sun. Just like his Daddy told him the wax melted and he plunged to his death in the sea.
The Obamatons should remember what happens when you fly too close to the sun. Pride goes before a fall.